


A Fraying Rope (Tied Around My Hands)

by etoilecourageuse



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Pureblood Politics, Pureblood Society
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 17:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7397113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoilecourageuse/pseuds/etoilecourageuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was foolish to believe she had a choice, to believe that she was worthy of love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fraying Rope (Tied Around My Hands)

She was supposed to be happy. She was supposed to smile, to laugh, and to feel her heart palpitating within her chest with excitement, supposed to feel the heat upon her cheeks whenever she thought of him… She was supposed to be happy. Supposed to expect her wedding day with childlike anticipation… 

Her wedding day… How she had dreamed of that moment when she had still been a girl, how vividly she had imagined the ceremony, followed by the large feast, and how excited indeed she had once been for the day to come… 

But so soon Andromeda had realised that it was not the ceremony that mattered, that the feast was of no importance, as she had seen her sister’s wedding and noticed the terror within her eyes, as she had spoken to her friends and found them so afraid… It was not the ceremony that mattered. It was her partner, the man who would wait for her by the altar, in whose eyes she look only to fully lose herself. It was the man she loved, whom she would adore until the end of her life and beyond. Only he mattered, it was him, only him, only love that was of importance, and how gladly she would give up everything for love, how gladly she would run away, far away from everything she knew, travel until the end of the world to find… 

It was foolish. It was so foolish even to think of such a thing, so foolish even to consider… It was foolish to believe she had a choice, to believe that she was worthy of love, that she deserved to... It was foolish. 

She was supposed to be happy. Andromeda was supposed to be happy, so happy that the day had come at last, that at last she would be… She was supposed to be happy. But how could she? How could she possibly be happy, smile, when love was so distant, so strange to her, further away than it had ever been before? How could she possibly be happy when she was to marry _him_? 

Lucius Malfoy. She felt nauseous even at the thought of his name, could not help but tremble… Lucius Malfoy. She hated him, Andromeda hated him, despised him so beyond words, gasping for air at the sheer imagination that with him she was to spend her entire life. How? How could she possibly…? Lucius Malfoy. She was to become the wife of Lucius Malfoy. 

If only she were capable of running away she would long have escaped and never looked back, would long have left her family behind. But where should she have gone? Who would have given her shelter, what could she have done to survive, without her parents? Without her sisters? Where could she have gone… To Ted Tonks? He had been no more than a brief fling, a romance that even if it hadn’t been prohibited, even if it hadn’t been so dangerous, would never have had a chance… It would never have had a true meaning. 

Could she have knocked at his door in the middle of the night, desperate and so uncertain of her future? Of course not. It was ridiculous, outrageous… It was ridiculous to believe, even to assume that she would have a chance to break free. That she would be brave enough to leave, that she would not miss her family. It was ridiculous. 

And even if she did, even if she did have a choice… She would never betray those she loved in such a way, as she did love them so beyond words, would never allow herself to even consider breaking their hearts, putting such shame upon them and disgracing their name… Never, even if the desire was raging within her and nearly burning her… Never. Even if they seemed to scarcely notice, to scarcely look at her, as otherwise they would see. As otherwise they would realise. As otherwise… She couldn’t. 

Lucius Malfoy. It caused Andromeda great effort not to scream, not to cry out her despair… Lucius Malfoy. Even her mother seemed to disapprove of him, would look at him for no longer than a second before turning away, her eyes showing him no kindness, no sympathy. She would barely speak in his presence, even less than usual as she had always been quiet, seemed as disgusted by his father as Andromeda was by Lucius herself… She seemed to… 

But why… Why then would she force her daughter to marry a man they both despised, why then would she not halt the wedding, the entire relationship, why would she not halt Abraxas Malfoy in his endeavour? Wasn’t she well respected within the society, wasn’t it her silent authority that had earned her more influence than many a man of her status? Why… Why? What was it that kept her from acting, what was it that caused her to look at her daughter nearly apologetically whenever they were forced to speak about the wedding, whenever they welcomed her betrothed to their home? 

Druella Black had never been a woman to show her true emotions, had always forced herself to hold back even if she were about to burst, to swallow down her agony when in presence of her daughters, of anyone who wasn’t her husband, who wasn’t Father… But Father was long gone, had long been taken from this life, and so there was no one, no one at all she would entrust herself to… And yet… Yet at times, when speaking of Abraxas Malfoy and his son, Andromeda could notice the fear within her eyes, never daring to ask for a reason. Never daring to speak up, to give voice to her doubts, or even her own fears. 

If she left… If she escaped, truly, if she broke away from everything only to find love, only to pursue her own happiness… What would become of Mother? What would they do to her, what would they do to her if she…? She couldn’t. She couldn’t, she couldn’t! If something were to happen to her, if she were to be harmed because of… Never would Andromeda forgive herself, never again would she be capable to look into her own eyes… Never again… She couldn’t. She couldn’t… And perhaps it was true. Perhaps Blacks truly were not meant to love, perhaps they were not deserving of gentility… 

Mother had been lucky, had been lucky so beyond words to marry her soulmate, to love her husband more than anything, to be connected to him through such a special, sacred bond… She had been lucky, so lucky, but she was an exception, the only woman within the family to love, to… Bellatrix, too, had at first despised her husband but grown used to him over the years, grown numb, indifferent towards him, her aunts, her grandmothers, they all… 

And Narcissa… Sweet Cissy who was only sixteen, a child still, and yet so reasonable, so wise… Andromeda and her mother both knew that loved him, that she had always loved Lucius, that he, too, was so fond of her, could both see the endless pain within her eyes every moment she looked at them… She loved him, loved him almost like Mother loved Father… But Abraxas Malfoy would not allow for them even to speak, even to glance at one another, as though he were to punish not only his son, but them all. As though it caused him pleasure to see them suffer. 

She was supposed to be happy. She was supposed to be happy… They all were supposed to be happy… But how? How could they? Lucius Malfoy. She was to marry Lucius Malfoy… And only slowly Andromeda realised that it would mean death if she were to refuse. Lucius Malfoy… 

The days passed too fast, too soon she found herself merely a night away from the wedding, the moment she had so foolishly anticipated as a girl and now feared, feared so beyond words… Mother would smile at her at times as they made the preparations, spoke of the man who was to become her husband, but the smile never reached her eyes, was never sincere… She seemed helpless, as helpless as Narcissa, who knew better than to blame her sister for her agony but still could scarcely bear her touch, pulling away whenever Andromeda would reach out for her. 

Darkness had long fallen when she found her on the corridor the night before the wedding, when she found her hidden in a corner, face buried within her hands… Her entire body was trembling, shaken by silent sobs, and for a moment Andromeda seemed overwhelmed by nausea, overwhelmed by emotion… She knew, understood, understood so very well and would not speak but merely sat down by Narcissa’s side and wrapped her arms about her so carefully, so tenderly… She knew... Andromeda knew, had held back for too long but now could no longer keep her tears from falling, wished so despairingly to help her, to help her sister, wished so despairingly to take the pain from her… But it seemed impossible. She knew… She knew, they both knew… 

Lucius Malfoy. Andromeda despised him, despised the man her sister adored… And there was nothing, nothing at all they were capable of doing. They had no choice than to obey, no matter whether it were to tear them apart, no matter whether it… Lucius Malfoy. 

Hours seemed to have passed when they rose from the floor at last, their hands still connected, when Narcissa smiled at her, a brief, tearful smile, and when in silence they turned away from each other… 

When in the morning Andromeda awoke, when the day had come at last and it was time to prepare for the ceremony, her sister’s bed was empty. When in the morning Andromeda remembered what had happened mere hours before, when in the morning she realised, Narcissa was gone.


End file.
